Stolen: My Star Wars Story

I don’t think I had even seen the original Star Wars movie when I got my first Luke Skywalker and Darth Vader toys. I was only six years old and I didn’t really understand who these two figures were, but I knew one was good and one was bad, and I remember the early days of enacting sword battles between them. By the time The Empire Strikes Back was released in 1980, I was ten years old and had been collecting Star Wars toys for four years. I saved every dime of my allowance for the next character. I would wait in anticipation as my Mom would drive me to the local Gibson’s to make the purchase. Every birthday and Christmas present were Star Wars toys. By the time I was around twelve years old I had amassed a treasure trove of toys from the Star Wars universe. Each new toy I acquired added another dimension of excitement and joy to my world. And I was a purist. I would never mix Star Wars with any other toy line. It was almost a religion. And that was a problem.

I had decided to follow Christ at a very young age. I understood that God wanted my complete and devoted love. The conflict between my love for Star Wars and my love for God became evident to me one day. I remember the moment clearly. My Dad was building a two-story addition to a house we had recently moved in to. I was playing with my Star Wars collection in a framework of a room when I suddenly stopped and told God, “If I love these toys more than You, then take them away from me.” Then I kept right on playing.

In what must have been a few months later, the addition to the house was mostly complete, but it was still easily accessible to anyone. I was showing the progress of the building to a friend who lived in a trailer park a few blocks away. We happened upon my huge cardboard box of Star Wars toys. I showed them off with pride. “I keep them all in this box,” I’m sure I must have told him.

Several days later my friend showed up again along with a gang of boys whom I’d never met. I remember that there were six or seven of them. He introduced them to me and we hung out in the front yard for a while, at the opposite end of the house addition. The new boys said that they were going to leave, but my friend said he wanted to stay. I remember him urging me to stay in the front yard. I thought nothing of it at the time. In fact, what weighed heavy on my mind was to tell that boy about what Christ had done for him. I explained how Jesus paid for our sins when He died on a cross, and how all we need to do is accept His gift to be with God. It was a very basic introduction to salvation through Christ. The boy prayed to receive Christ as his personal Savior. Soon after, he left for home.

It wasn’t immediately that I realized… it was a day or two… my box of Star Wars toys… I couldn’t find it…

My parents and I searched the house. We checked the new addition. We looked through closets. We searched outside the house and in our cars. There was only one conclusion: the toys had been stolen. We drove up and down the nearby drainage ditch, where kids would play, looking for a box or for scattered toys. We found nothing. A couple of days later, my parents filed a police report. I remember a uniformed officer sitting at our table. I described each of my toys in detail, naming them off like some kind of intergalactic playlist, “Hammerhead, Boba Fett, Millennium Falcon, Bespin Guard, Tauntaun…”  He wrote each one down as he asked for spellings and descriptions that must have seemed outrageous to him, but secondhand to me. The list was so long that the officer had to use at least two additional sheets of paper. “This is a felony,” I distinctly remember him saying. I didn’t know what it meant, but I heard a change of tone in his voice.

Naturally, I was devastated. I had devoted virtually half of my life to collecting and playing with these toys, and now they were gone. Imagine that for a moment: ALL of my toys were just… gone. I laid there in my bed, talking to God about it. Everyone was asleep. The house was dark. Then, I felt the need to tell my parents something. I got out of bed and walked into their bedroom.

“Mom, I’m really sad that my toys are gone. But… I still feel a happiness inside. Is that okay?” It’s true, I didn’t understand how I could be sad and yet still at peace. I almost felt guilty about it. “That’s Jesus,” my Mom replied. “That’s Jesus.”

It wasn’t until a few days later that I put all the pieces together. I guess I was so shocked by the disappearance of my toys that I didn’t think of the obvious. While my friend from down the street was occupying me in the front yard, the others went around the back and stole the box of toys. I went to my friend’s house to confront him. His mother met me at the door and told me to leave and not to come back. We didn’t pursue the matter any further, but I’m sure it was those boys, and I’m sure their mother knew what they had done. As to why she didn’t do anything about it, I’ll never know for sure. Perhaps she feared the police. Perhaps she just needed Jesus in her life.

There are so many lessons that I took away from this experience; lessons that I still adhere to today. First, be careful what you ask God for. I outright asked God to tangibly let me know if I was putting Star Wars before Him, and apparently, I was. I might have rephrased that request if I had it to do over again, asking for some other sign than to remove the toys from my life. This would be a lesson I would learn several more times in my life. God does listen to us. He answers prayers. But sometimes the answer isn’t what we want to hear. God was so real in the answer to that prayer. He is undeniable, and that’s the bigger lesson.

Second, doing the right thing doesn’t always mean that something bad won’t happen to you during the process. I was literally trying to help save someone’s life during the exact same time that my childhood was being robbed from me. I hope and pray that if that boy didn’t genuinely ask for God’s gift of life through Jesus that day, that at some point in his life he has done so. As Christians, all we can do is plant the seeds. And while all was being stolen from me, I was planting the seed of the Gospel. If I had to sacrifice all of my toys for that one soul, it was worth it.

Finally, I experienced a true peace that literally made no sense, just as described in Philippians 4:7. It’s a peace that would take me through some very dark places in my life. It’s a peace that continues to dwell in me, no matter what the situation.

I wouldn’t trade that peace for all the toys in the world.

“That’s Jesus.”

 

It’s that time of year…

…when some of us want to run and hide.

Ah, the holidays. A time to spend with family, exchange gifts, attend festive parties, decorate the house with joy… and totally freak out! I have to be honest. I just barely made it through Thanksgiving and I’m dreading Christmas. Over the past fifteen years I’ve struggled with depression, anxiety and agoraphobia. Once the life of the party, I’ve found myself avoiding any type of party at all, especially holiday gatherings. This past Thursday, Thanksgiving was hosted at our house with Monica’s family. Where was I? When the bulk of the crowd arrived I had one of the worst panic attacks in years and I ended up hiding out in our dog kennel. (I know you’re picturing me in a doghouse, but it’s a 6-foot-high fenced in area with a pitched tarp over it.) So I stood there, sheltered from the drizzling rain, like a scared little doggy. I called Monica on my cell phone from my cage. I told her I didn’t think I could “do this.” I was content to just stand out there until it was over.

 

In a few minutes my son, Daniel, came outside. “Whatcha doin’, Dad?” “Um… just checking to make sure the dogs have their own Thanksgiving set up for them.” “The dogs are inside, Dad.” “Oh, yeah. I guess we better go in.” So, reluctantly, I slipped in the side door. However, I know my house well. And I know how to hide from a house full of people. So I did. I eventually had to make conversation with a couple of people. I tried not to make eye contact. I’m ashamed of how I acted. I don’t understand these feelings. It makes me not want to try at all for the rest of the Season.

 

I can think back to more dismal days during the holidays and recount stories that make this one seem tame. Years of holidays and birthdays lost because I couldn’t bring myself to leave the house. One time I spent alone in a car, in an empty school parking lot, wondering if I could even go on living, let alone force myself to drive to a family Christmas party.

 

The notion that suicide rates go up over the holidays has been debunked, however no one denies that those who suffer from depression and related illnesses struggle more during Christmastime. Even people with physical illnesses can notice an uptick in symptoms. I had three dystonia attacks before and after Thanksgiving this year. I had been dystonia-free since August. There is probably a correlation.

 

The point of writing this isn’t to draw attention to myself. I’ll be fine. There have been worse years than this and I thank God that I’m in such a better place than I used to be. I’ll go to the endless annual progressive dinner with my family. I’ll entertain Monica’s co-workers at the annual company party. I’ll get by as best I can. I’ll even hide if I need to.

 

However, there are so many people out there who are in a much darker place, just like I was a few years ago. Frozen. Scared. Ashamed. Lonely. For some, the holidays will remind them of the people who aren’t with them any longer. I can’t even fathom that. For some, the holidays will remind them of things that they’ve lost. Relationships. Health. Purpose. Dignity. It’s easy to say, “Be of good cheer.”

 

For some, it’s just not possible right now.

 

For some, they will retreat to a cage.

 

On behalf of those who want to hide this year, this is my phone call from the cage. It’s a call to action. To those of good cheer, come out into the rain and check on us. We don’t really want to be alone. We don’t necessarily want to be dragged to a big party either. We just need someone to ask how we’re doing. To spend a little time with us. We don’t want to be “fixed” right now, so please don’t try. We just want someone to listen. Or maybe we just want someone to sit with. Nothing fancy. Nothing loud. Just someone to be with for a while during this crazy time of year.

 

Who knows? Maybe we’ll come inside. Just keep in mind that we’ll probably want to hide in the crowd… and that’s okay.

 

Tim Eason November 30, 2015